Kayden Alexander vs. Nathan FX vs. Christian Satinall vs. Matty O’Boy vs. Zacky Darlin Hero Hunks

The handsome and chiseled Nathan FX is sitting on the couch texting when there’s a knock at the door. In comes Kayden Alexander with the statement, “What’s up, bitch?” Given Kayden’s win/loss record, we would suggest a less offensive greeting. Kayden also appears to have recently dyed his hair a lighter shade of blonde, making it almost white. We would suggest he quit buying his hair color from the “99 cents or less” bin at his local dollar store. Kayden is dropping f-bombs and starts shoving Nathan when there’s another knock. In walks tag partners Matty O’Boy and Zacky Darlin. As the trash-talking begins, purple-haired Christian walks in. We have five wrestlers, five skimpy pairs of trunks, and lots of testosterone with plenty of attitude. Seems like we have the makings of some hot wrestling. 

Matty starts it off by knocking Nathan’s cell phone out of his hand and tossing him down to the mat. Nathan gets up, puts a knee in Matty’s gut and puts him down. Zacky is quick to come to his partner’s rescue and tries to get Nathan. Unfortunately for Zacky, he ends up being the recipient of a suplex. After lots of trash-talking, it looks like it is going to be four against one with Nathan on the receiving end. Nathan has tag partners Matty and Zacky under control, but Kayden and Christian decide to join the action. Kayden puts Nathan in an arm bar, but Matty pulls Christian’s feet out from under him, even though he is still in a scissors hold from Nathan. With five different wrestlers all going at it at once, it’s going to get confusing quickly. This looks like a game of Twister with wrestling holds thrown in. Christian gets double-teamed by Matty and Zacky while Nathan quickly takes control of Kayden. Nathan throws Kayden into the couch causing Kayden to scream like a little girl. It’s no wonder he gets his ass kicked so often. 

Kayden gets put in a reverse choke by Nathan when Matty comes along and lifts Kayden’s legs. He squirms and screams out, “Put me down!” Do you remember the phrase, “Be careful what you ask for”? He got what he asked for – Nathan and Matty drop him like a sack of wet cement. Off in the other corner of the mats we see Zacky totally dominating our little purple-haired twink, Christian. So far in the match, Christian has accomplished next to nothing. Zacky has him in a schoolboy pin with his forearm across Christian’s throat. Matty is standing over them taunting Christian, even threatening to cut his hair off and sell it to Starbucks. Matty takes over and gets Christian’s legs and right arm tied up. Zacky comes in and grabs his left arm and puts one leg over Christian’s throat. Christian is not in a good position now and is totally at the mercy of the other four wrestlers. Nathan grabs his phone and takes some pics of Christian, while Kayden is still standing and watching. Matty is clearly having fun stretching Christian and tells him he’ll be nice and stretched out for his hook-up later and that this one is for his next update on Grindr. Looks like Christian is in for a rough night. 

The chaos begins again when Matty lets go of Christian and pulls Nathan down. Nathan instantly has Matty in a head scissors and is smacking his bright white belly. Matty regains control of Nathan as Christian comes over to assist. Off to the side, we see Kayden being dominated by Zacky. Kayden is being tossed around like a ragdoll while Nathan escapes, picks Matty up, and tosses him halfway across the room. That’ll leave a bruise or two! Nathan then clotheslines Christian, leaving both he and Matty flat on their backs. The action stops as Nathan takes a break and sits on the couch, Christian stands up, and Zacky takes mercy on Kayden and lets him up. Poor Matty is still flat on the mats. Kayden and Christian go after each other – probably to see which is King of the Jobbers – while Nathan gets off the couch and goes after Matty once again. Matty is in a painful armbar and is definitely screaming as Nathan twists it. Kayden has Christian in a schoolboy pin, enjoying being in control for a change. Zacky joins the action with a chokehold on Nathan, trying to help his partner. Matty and Zacky take control of Nathan while Kayden has Christian squirming in an armbar. Two wrestlers are in serious trouble now. Christian is being totally dominated by Kayden and Nathan is totally under the control of Zacky and Matty. Of course, it takes two of them to control Nathan while Christian is being punished by another jobber. That’s embarrassing. Based on the expanding bulge in Zacky’s trunks, he’s clearly enjoying himself. While Matty and Zacky are doing some trash-talking while the double-team Nathan, we see Christian actually pick up Kayden and bodyslam him. Who knew? Kayden is put in a sleeper, but manages to escape and take control of Christian again. Matty seems quite cocky as they control Nathan, but fails to acknowledge that it takes both he and Zacky to keep Nathan down. 

Zacky steps out and Matty has Nathan stretched out like an old rubber band. He smacks Nathan’s ass and even grabs his package. Nathan manages to take control and returns the favor of the ass-smacking to Matty. Meanwhile, our two jobbers are going back-and-forth. Nathan comes over and grabs Christian as Kayden lies helplessly on the mats. Zacky and Matty are taking a break and watching the action. Matty, as usual, is running his mouth. Matty comes over and starts working on Christian as well. Zacky and Kayden join in. The weakest wrestler in the group is now being worked over by four others. You know that won’t end well for him. Christian finally starts to struggle, but only because he’s being tickled by three of the other wrestlers. Since when is tickling a wrestling hold? They then lift him in the air and drop him hard on the mats. Out comes the camera phone again. Kayden has to be happy that everyone is picking on the other jobber and not him. Nathan pulls Christian up only to start bending him backwards with encouragement from Matty. Christian is in big trouble in this match and is surely wishing he would have stayed home tonight. Matty is continuing to run his mouth and asks Christian if he is really just a submissive little faggot. Big talk coming from a boy who has said “I submit” a few times himself. 

Kayden grabs Nathan and puts him in the same armbar Nathan had on Christian. Matty joins in and grabs Nathan’s other arm. It seems Matty is only able to dominate Nathan when someone else is working with him. Now it is four-on-one as each of Nathan’s limbs is under control. Christian and Kayden have to be happy that they aren’t getting their asses handed to them on a platter. Matty is running his mouth still, this time making fun of Nathan’s weight and frequency he visits the gym. Matty would be well-advised to step in front of a mirror with Nathan and see how much bigger and stronger Nathan is. Matty’s strongest muscles must be his tongue and lips as they are constantly flapping. Matty sits on Nathan’s face and asks him how he likes it. Nathan has the perfect comeback and tells him to get his small dick out of his face. Talk about embarrassing!!! Matty claims it is bigger than anyone else’s there, but judging by the look of the skimpy trunks, he’s clearly exaggerating or has wishful thinking. Nathan submits and they drop Nathan by the side of the mats and all stand there for a minute. Kayden grabs Zacky and flips him down, only to have Zacky put him in a choke hold and totally dominate him. He whimpers out a submission instead of going out. He’s pushed off the mats by Nathan. Christian moves forward towards Matty and Zacky. It’s almost comical to see the jobber approach two superior wrestlers at once. Matty orders him to lay of the mat and Christian quickly complies. Stretching and tickle-torture have Christian in trouble quickly. Matty totally abuses Christian and even makes him admit that he loves having his nipples twisted. Soon Christian is out with a sleeper. Matty and Zacky sit on the couch and kiss each other, basking in their victory. They fail to acknowledge that it took all four wrestlers to get Nathan to submit and both of them to get two jobbers to submit. Matty is still running is mouth as the camera pans out. Perhaps someone should stuff a sock – or something else – in Matty’s mouth to shut him up. Regardless of how they did it, Matty and Zacky emerged as the victors in the five-man-brawl.

Total Run-time: 27 minutes, 25 seconds